RSVP: How to respond to invitations in the U.S.

When an invitation to a party or special celebration comes by mail or by email, you will often see the letters RSVP, followed by contact information for the host. What are you supposed to do?

RSVP stands for the French expression “Répondez s’il vous plaît” (“Please respond.”) The host is asking you to respond one way or the other. Will you be attending or not? It is courteous to let the host know within a day or two, or as soon as possible. More formal invitations (for example, to weddings) may include a pre-printed response form and an envelope that you can simply complete and mail back. Otherwise, you may respond by telephone or in writing (by mail or email). Whether you accept or not, it is always nice to thank the host for inviting you.

What if you are unsure whether you will be able to attend? Perhaps you have travel plans and are not sure you will have returned. If you are not certain you can attend, it is probably best to decline the invitation and explain why.

The invitation will state who is invited and whether this includes your spouse/partner, children, or a special friend/date if you are single. If you accept, let your host know exactly who will be attending.

Is it all right to ask to bring additional guests? In American culture, the answer is usually “No.” Your host has space and budget limitations. He or she will want to know exactly how many guests will be attending to prepare the number of table settings and servings. Of course, there are occasional exceptions. For example, if you know your host very well and the event is a brief stand-up party with only drinks and light snacks, it may be all right to ask permission to bring an additional guest. Proceed with caution and sensitivity to your host.

If you accept an invitation, you must attend. Your host will be going to some trouble and expense to include you. Not to show up is discourteous. If there is a sudden, unforeseen emergency (illness, death in the family, etc.), you should immediately communicate an apology to your host.

Occasionally, for large, less formal parties, you may see the expression Regrets only. Here, you are being asked to respond only if you plan not to attend. However, it is always courteous to respond either way, and again, a few words of thanks are always appreciated.

What about invitations sent out by large organizations to hundreds or thousands of their members? These are more like advertisements than invitations. Here, when you see RSVP, you generally need to respond only if you plan to attend. Or course, if you are a special guest of honor, you must respond either way.